Car Doors Episode Eins: The Fan from Venice
by Talespinner87
Summary: wait...eins is German for one. And we already have an episode 1 don't we? aw, now i'm really confused
1. Editors' Note

**Editors' Note:**

T: Ah, a fresh new start for the Car Doors team! (and you thought it was over) This time we have a new slew of characters that will wither and dies…well maybe not wither, more of a burning really…but die…yes, they shall certainly dies. And a bunch of new starships! also a crappy love story!

R: Mmm…crumb cake

W: Wait what happened to mango juice?

R: I don't know. You made the crumb cake…wait…**you** made it?! ack (dies)

T: ummm guys? can we get back to telling everyone what kind of stuff to expect, like me not being there and Waves at a young age and Rocks…um having wire sticking out of his body

R: I think the readers have a right to know that most of this editors' note was written on a 3x5 card.

**End Editors' Note**

W: hehehe, as if it was that easy

**Some sort of post end editors' not thingy**

*OB1 Kenobi and Dave Miller (Quiganjin) enter the space port and are offered tea from a serving droid*

SD: Would you enjoy a spot of tee master jedi

OB1: Hiyaa *cuts droid in two*

DM: Why  did you do that?

OB1: That was probably poisonous tea master

DM: Yeah…what's your point

OB1: *blink*

DM: *blink*

OB1: *shrug*

DM: Ooh shiny *picks up a broken fragment of serving droid*

W:…

T: Don't even start

W: *dies dejectedly*

*Somehow OB1 and DM make it into the meeting place with some tea*

OB1: Now where are those ugly alien things

DM: Probably talking to some evil sinister villain

OB1:…really?

DM: No you idiot *smacks him with a fork*

P: Wait that's my…wait a second…I'm dead *dies*

W: Okay before we go any farther we should actually begin the story

**End some sort of post end editors' not thingy**

**Post Post-**

W: Noooooooooooo!!!!!


	2. what's an editor?

DM: Hmmm…

OB1: What was that strange noise?

DM: I think that's called an editors' note

OB1: Oh…what's an editor

DM: I don't know

C3PO: Why the heck am I here?

R2: *zap*

*C3&R2 disappear*

W: We don't even have an editor…yet

R: I'm an astronaut

W:…

OB1: Master…I'm scared

DM: Yes, I sense a disturbance in the fork

OB1: mmm…mango juice

DM: Wait, I thought we had tea

OB1: Well I wanted mango juice, so I got some out of that container

DM: The one that says "diplomat poison"?

OB1: Yeah

DM: ok…

OB1: Well…it tastes like mango juice

DM: That's probably this toxic gas messing with your taste buds.

OB1: Hmm…is that so…*shrug*

DM: I think they're trying to kill us

OB1: Why would you say that? *he is enveloped in poison gas"

DM: *sigh* I'll just save us I guess

OB1: *passed out*

DM: *cuts through the doors and drags OB1's lifeless body along behind*

*Evil french Furibys surround them*

OB1: *wakes up* I like lightsabers

EfF: AHHHH HE'S GOT A LIGHTSABER THINGY…WE SURRENDER

*author's note: we hate the french*

(As the EfF's run off, DM looks around for an exit)

OB1: Master, I think we can escape through these very tiny air vents

DM: Hmm…I think it better to use the door marked exit

OB1: But they'll expect that

DM: *stares* how dumb can you be? They're just EfF's

OB1:…I like lightsabers

*Dm walks out the exit mumbling something about stupid apprentices*

(DM and OB1 stumble upon the federations cargo ships and quickly thumb a ride back to the planet Tabooine)

*Tspinner's unofficial officially personal note*

T: The following series of events may contain animal violence; however, no animals were actually hurt in the making of this fic…unless you think of Patrick or Waves is an animal in which case I must appologize.

*End Tspinner's unofficial officially personal note*

*Rocks' unofficial officially personal note*

R: Hey…how come I don't get an unofficial officially personal note…wait

*End Rocks' unofficial officially personal note*

*Waves' unofficial officially personal note*

W: I take offense to that above message

*stage hand approaches*

SH: *whisper*

W: *Shocked* you have got to be kidding me…I'm sorry, apparently I have been classified as my own genus and species. So…yeah…Who's decision was that anyway?

*Tranquilizer dart hits Waves*

Australian accented man: Crickey,, he's a big one!

*End Waves' unofficial officially personal note*

(On the planet Tabooine DM and OBI find themselves face to face with a strange creature)


	3. well, I can't exactly remember what this...

Jar-Jar: Me-sah Jah-Jah Binks

OB1: I like lightsabers

Jar-Jar: Me-sah Jah-Jah Binks

OB1: I like lightsabers

Jar-Jar: Me-sah Jah-Jah Binks

OB1: I like lightsabers

Jar-Jar: Me-sah Jah-Jah Binks

DM: I wonder if he dark side has a dental plan

Lenny: Dental plan

Marge Simpson: Lisa needsbraces

Lenny: Dental plan

Marge Simpson: Lisa needsbraces

Lenny: Dental plan

Marge Simpson: Lisa needsbraces

DM: What the heck?!

OB1: Master, are you having those flashbacks again?

DM: Yes, and they're getting more disturbing this time

Jar-Jar: Me-sah Jah-Jah Binks

OB1: I like lig- *DM's hand clasps his mouth shut*

DM: Look the federation ships are going to attack! we need to warn the princess

OB1: *bites DM's hand* -gtsabers

JJ: Me-sah *DM knocks him out with a  destroyed EfF*

DM: Well this creature is of no use to us. What should we do with him?

OB1: Throw him into the pond

DM: … meh…whatever

*EfF's attack*

OB1: Master, let me deal with this. I'll try out my new invention

DM: What's that?

OB1: Lightsaber-chucks yo!

*OB1 proceeds to cut off his hands and badly lacerate himself*

EfF: AHHHHH HE'S IMMENSLY STUPID…WE SURRENDER

*DM uses the fork to heal OB1*

OB1: Thank you master I shall try again

DM: No that's ok…they got scared off my your stupidity

OB1: But wait till you see my newest invention…fork-chucks yo!

*a nearby village explodes*

OB1: oops…maybe if I…

*Jar-Jar explodes*

OB1: hmm…*points them at DM*

DM: Oh crap…*explodes*

T: Now how do we get them to the city? OB1's not smart enough to heal anything

W: Through the power of the …*explodes*

OB1: oops

W: *reappears* anyway…through the power of the author (dum dum dummm) Darn it Rocks

*later at the city*

DM: …And that's how not wearing socks saved my life

OB1: wow

Queen Amidala: well that's great but what are you doing here?

DM: Well, we're here to tell you this planet has been invaded by…the french?!?

QA: Oh No! we're Polish. We'll never win

*EfF's invade the palace*

EfF's: AHHHH…THEY'RE POLIS…WE SURRENDER…wait…they're Polish…we might actually possibly almost be able to obtain something similar to victory in some way…wait…we're french…we don't even have a word for that

DM: Amidala! Get into your shi, we'll follow behind and OB1 will wold them off

OB1: What? *turns to ward off charging EfF's*

EfF named Q: *explodes*


	4. Like Atlantis?

Author's note: Well we kinda skipped this part, so we're gonna just put it in here. Not like we actually follow the storyline to begin with.

(As they walked along, OB1 started noticing it was getting hard to breathe)

(In fact it was impossible…)

(a fish swam by)

OB1: mmm…unprocessed fish sticks *drools*

(OB1 then noticed that no drool was coming out of his mouth.)

(It surprised him further as a great deal of water actually entered his mouth)

(He looked over at DM who was now flopping around on the ground trying to breathe)

(OB1 shrugged and continued to attempt to drool)

DM: I think we're at the bottom of a pond

OB1: How is that possible? If that's true, you couldn't be talking

DM: *shrugs*

OB1: And furthermore, why aren't we floating?

DM: Might be because of the lead boots we picked up

C3PO: I can talk using the force

DM: Huh?

*C3PO is laying in a rusted heap*

R2: *tazer comes out**zap**beep*(oh crap)

*electricity arcs through the water and hits R2*

OB1: Oh, so we're in a pond, are we? I never would have guessed

R2: *gurgled bleep* (I hate you all)

DM: Yes it appears to be some sort of underwater city

OB1: Like Atlantis?

DM: Well, I don't think it's Atlantis, but it is an underwater city

OB1: Like Atlantis?

DM: Sort of, yeah

OB1: Cool, we're in Atlantis

DM: I didn't say that. It's just an underwater city

OB1: Like Atlantis?

DM: Shut up…hey, here's an idea: Let's play the quiet game and you're it

JJB: Me-sah Jah-Jah Binks

DM: I take that back, Jar-Jar's it

JJB:………. Me-sah Jah-Jah *wap*

*Jar-Jar bits the dust…or mud…or whatever is at the bottom of a pond…seaweed maybe? *Wap**

*Whoever was writing that bites the dust…*wap**

(the trio makes its way to the gate)

Random Guard: Halt! Who goes there?

DM: Just some people who have lost their way

RG: Wait…how can you breathe underwater?

OB1: We can't

RG:…

OB1: (stupid smile)

RG: Why is he with you?

DM: I really don't know, I suppose he's my padawaan or something but your right, I should just kill him…

RG: … I meant JJB

DM: Oh…I still don't know

RG: Well we here in Atlantis consider him trash and therefore threw him out

OB1: Atlantis?

RG: Did I say that? I meant to say this underwater city

OB1: Like Atlantis?


	5. Legitimate Business Man

RG: No this is not Atlantis

OB1: Oh poo *kicks dirt*

RG: I' sorry but if you want to stay, this city is full

DM: We don't want to stay, we just need a ride to the surface

RG: Can't help you there

DM: Do you know who can?

RG: Well there is a certain legitimate business man who can help, but you can't see him

OB1: Why not?

RG: Because, idiot air-breather, as you see, his bubble is full

(OB1 looks at the bubble to see tons of creatures in a very tiny bubble)

OB1: Ooh, a  bubble… I think we should pop it

RG: No don't do tha-

*Pop*

*Huge explosion*

OB1: Sweet

*A large creature in a business suit floats down*

Legitimate Businessman: Who popped my ubble?

OB1: *points at RG* he did it

RG: Hey

LB: *after ripping apart RG* What are you guys here for?

C3: I really don't know

*C3 disappears*

LB: …Right…

DM: We would like to get back to the surface

R2: Jerk

*R2 disappears*

LB: Can't help yous

OB1: Yous?

LB: No yous

OB1: Oh, mes…like Atlantis?

R2: Does it bother anyone that I'm not beeping (The world will bow before me)

*R2 re-disappears*

LB: What?

DM: Don't mind him, why can't you help us?

LB: Cuz I gots no car

DM: You need a car underwater?

LB: Wha do ya tink I'm gonna do? Walk?

OB1: I try not to think

DM: It shows

OB1…I like lightsabers

*R2 reappears just to kill Waves then leaves*

*eh? That makes no sense*

*W: I know, that's why I want to die*

R: I think it's time for a…

*Intermission*

W: Gah! Anything but that!!

T: Why do I even try?

R: Mmm…zukini juice

T: reading this fic is wrong and bad…it should have a new name like badwrong or badong. Yes reading this fic is badongong. I will do the opposite of reading this fic….I will do gnodab.

*End Intermission*


	6. aw, we broke our perfect 5 chaps in each...

T: Wow, that's super

R: Meh, not really

W: This makes no sense

T: It makes dollars!

R: What the heck are we talking about anyway? Wait, that's a relevant comment, why am I saying it?

W: Jak and Daxter?!

T: I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts de de da liee

R: Note: this is an actual conversation written down. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Seeing as how none of us are innocent, no names were changed.

W: Wait, de de da lice?!

T: No, de de da liee!

W: Oh, got something to say, pass the paper

R: uhbuhbupbuht

W: Fine, I'll just wait

R: Goofy is hugging himself while river-dancing

T: And he'll dance for drugs

W: Dance monkey

T: But I don't wanna

R: *Throws monopoly piece* Dance

T: *Dances* *music from that six flags commercial where the old man comes off the bus and dances plays*

W: That was long winded and THAT *points at T* is just wrong…now DANCE MONKEY (that doesn't make much sense)

W: Wait…you recorded my thoughts ?!?!? GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! Ooh, I gotta put that

T: Put down he has to put that

Patrick: This is stupid writing on a piece of paper

Note: Patrick actually wrote that…y'know, the real Patrick…not the one that keeps dieing all the time

W: Wow, that's a first

P: Of course, I never did it before

R: And he hasn't died…yet

*Patrick Dies*

P: Ahhh, crap


	7. Fuwaaa!

OB1: Fuwaaa!

DM: Fuwaaa!

JJB: Fuwaaa!

RG: Fuwaaa!

LBM: Fuwaaa!

C3PO: Fuwaaa!

R2: zap( Fuwaaa!)

C3: Sorry, we forgot where we were so… Fuwaaa!

LBM: Dude, where's my car?

C3: Yeah, uh about that… Fuwaa- R2 and C3 disappear

LBM: You guys are so calm…doesn't that bother you?

DM: Well it happens enough, we're kinda used to it

LBM: Well in that case, take my car and get the heck away from me

OB1: Yay! I call shotgun

DM: Dude, keep your eyes on the road

OB1: What?

DM: You want me to drive?

OB1: What?

JJB: Me sah Jah Jah Binks

OB1: What?

DM: You driving and drunk! Now eyes on the road

OB1: mmm…zucchini juice

DM: tree Tree TREE!!

OB1: Fuwaaa!

Somehow they manage to survive the crash. For details, see handbook for driving while under the influence of zucchini juice with a weird alien in the back that can only say one line after taking the car of some man that is freaked out by the random appearance and disappearances of 2 odd druids and not realizing you are driving so therefore not looking at the road section 3-B.

The Trio eventually make it to Tabooine and speak with Amidala…for further details on this conversation, see previous chapter

W: Wait…what the heck?!

R: Yeah, we got kinda confused as to where we were in the plot

W: Wait…we've got a plot?!

T: Well, actually we're infringing on several movie and video game liscences to make a completely disorienting text with a simple story line…with loops…and circles

R: Circles? More like ovals haha Fuwaaa!

OB1: Who are these people?

DM: They're evil editors! Quick OB1, use the fork

OB1: I can't, their writing my actions! Fuwaaa! See? What does that even mean?

R: Shut up and dance monkey

OB1 starts dancing and Fuwaaa!…ing

W: (sigh) wins at monopoly

After conversation with Amidala, they get on the ship and blast off, but run into some trouble and get hit

DM: We'll have to send our druids out to fix the problem

Random guy: Droid, sir

DM: What?

RG: We only have 1 Droid

DM: Really? What's the call #?

RG: R2-D2 sir

DM: Well send him out

R2: Bleop (like heck I'm gonna help you!)

DM: Well it's good to see a willing helper

R2: Beeeeeep (you censored…stupid Funimation)

OB1: I like lightsabers

R2: Boop (idiot)

OB1: Mmm…zucchini juice…hey, do you have a toaster in there?

R2: zap (Aughhh get away)

R2 runs toward the destroyed part of the ship and gets blown up. But due to his Karma, he is put together again

R2: Beep (Why God Why?)

C3: Actually karma isn't a belief in God, more of Buddha

R2; Wait, you understood me?

C3: Yeah, but you forgot to beep that time

R2: Meh shrugs

C3: Also, I'm just a mirage wavers

R2: Beep (oh poo) Beep (did I just say poo?) beep (I don't know, maybe I'm being translated wrong…or am I?)

C3: FFUWWAAAAAAAAAAaa…disappears

R2: walks back into the ship

DM: Good job fixing the ship

R2: Beep Boop (fixing the wha? I didn't…)

DM: You did so well, we're going to give you a medal

R2: beeeep (I'm made of metal you censored)

R2: Looks out the window as the ship's wings and engine fall off and explode due to damage

Random guy at a computer: Sir, we seem to have taken damage to out ADD space engine

DM: How much damage

RGAAC: The sensors that would tell me that seem to have fallen off and exploded

OB1: Sorry, I like lightsabers

JJB: Me sah Jah-Jah Binks

DM: We'll have to land and find another ADD space drive Squish spalt bummm!

R2: Zap

C3: Ow…wait…how the heck did I get here? I'm not logically part of the story line…yet

T: Maybe we hit a loop or oval or maybe a spiral…

R2: you guys are Idiots, why try to understand anything that happens here? (beep)

C3: Ooh…idiots with a capital "I"

T: Fuwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Puff Puff

W: I hereby resign from Editor of this story

R: You can't, your under contract

W: No I'm not

R: Oh, well you still can't. You can't sleep through history class forever

W: Watch me passes out

R: Oh yeah? poke poke

W: snore

poke, Poke, poke, Poke poke, Poke poke, Poke poke, Poke poke, Poke poke, Poke poke, Poke poke, Poke poke, Poke, po-

W: Kire! Kire! Kire! Burei-mono, komo san-shita!!!

T: Isn't that a seventy's song?

W: Komo mushi Kera me!

R: dances to music

T: Dig that crazy beat

W: Ta-su-ke-te

R: It's groovy

W: (sigh) goes back to sleep in Japan Where he dies from only being able to insult people in Japanese then is brought back to life due to Karma

W: I'M NOT HINDU!!!!

R: Wait, I thought karma was Buddhist

T: I like Nintendo


	8. Pong

Ob1: Ooh, Pong

DM: That's right, I want you to stay here and um…guard the ship

DM gets hit in the head with the little sphere-training-droid-thingy (the one that Skywalker will eventually train with blindfolded) that OB1 was playing Pong with.

DM: Ow! runs out of the ship with R2-D2 and a hand-maiden of the Queen who oddly looks like Amidala.

(As they enter the town, they notice JJB is following them, so they look for a bounty hunter)

JJB: Me sah Jah-Jah (dies)

DM: Finally hands bounty hunter some money

Back at the ship

OB1: Still tryin to play pong with C3PO who is mysteriously there oops droid thingy goes flying by and hits something that explodes

Back with DM and Co.

OB1: talking through a communicator …and that's why we are going to need a few more parts than originally expected

DM: Let me get this strait…some random huge creatures of some sort, larger than the ship, got into the ship and blew a lot of stuff up

OB1: Uh…yes

DM: And to repair it's going to take 6 million dollars?!

OB1: Yeah!

DM: You idiot! Why did you leave the door unlocked?

OB1: Well I don't see how this is a problem. You left with 7 million dollars

DM: Yeah…about that

OB1 sees JJB's lifeless corpse in the background

OB1: Have you been hiring bounty hunters again?

DM: Dejectedly yes, but it wasn't just me! R2 wanted some shoes and you know robots love shoes

R2: Beep (Darn strait)

Frito (The guy who owns Anikan): Did I hear someone wants to make a bet?

DM: No

F: Oh flies off

DM: Anyway, we need to make some cash fast

OB1: How about betting?

F: Flies up

DM: No

F: Flies off

R2: Beep (Bet we need cash, or else I can't buy those new Air-Sebublas)

DM: Well, alright anything for my little buddy

R2: Zap

OB1: Sees R2 swagger Is R2 drunk again? that's my little buddy

DM: Now, he's my little buddy

OB1: Now, he's my little buddy

DM: Fine, there's only one way to settle this…Brockian Ultra Pong

R2: bEeP (Dude my hands are huge…wait)

R2 staggers drunkenly into a nearby shoe store and pukes on a pair of Air Sebulbas

Sore Owner: Hey, you puke, you pay!

R2: Be-hic-ep (stay away from my wife) zap tazers drunkenly at the store owner, but misses and passes out

R2: Beeeeeeeeeeeeee-hic-p (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-hic-zz)

DM: I'm very sorry sir, how much are they?

SO: whispers in DM's ear

DM: Oh, well…then I guess I'll just have to faints

R2: Bee…ehp? (heh)


End file.
